In my last post (April 24), I said Mama wasn’t going to make it. Just before 11 pm that night she quietly passed away in her sleep. I told her that day to stop fighting and let the pain go. I said Dad and I love her and would hurt and miss her, but we’d be ok. It was time to be with her parents and brother in paradise. She finally did let go.

I won’t lie and say I’m doing great, but I am doing better. I’ve really be struggling with my faith. Well, not exactly my faith, because I still believe in God. The problem is, I’ve been so mad at Him. In fact, I just went to another funeral on July 3. My aunt, Mama’s sister, finally passed away after months of suffering from brain cancer. I’d say my whole family has a right to be mad. But I’m working on it. I don’t want anger to eat at me, so I’m slowly making peace. In my own way and time.

I made a blog about my mom. There’s not a lot there yet, but I’ll be filling it with memories, stories and the occasional picture. If you’re interested, the url is http://tale.heartwhispers.com/.

I know it’s been over two months since I updated. The few minutes I have to relax a day I read or work on graphics. Anything but let myself feel anything. That’s probably why I thought an elephant was sitting on my chest. That’s why I’m making a blog about Mom. Maybe I can let myself feel there.

Mama’s not going to make it. We stopped chemo in March. The tumors were still growing rapidly and the chemo was nothing more than torture. She doesn’t have much time left and I’m brokenhearted, but her pain and suffering is worse.

Please keep us in your thoughts.

I am beyond tired, scared, frustrated…You get the idea.

Mom came home Saturday (2/2), but ended up in the hospital again yesterday. She was doing really well until Wednesday night when she started having a harder time breathing. She went to have blood drawn yesterday morning and her doctor decided to admit her. They got her heart rate to slow down and she’s breathing easier, but they still have tests they want to run.

She was only home 3 days in January. I’d rather her be in the hospital getting the care she needs then be home and suffer. I miss her, but I want what’s best for her.

Sorry I haven’t been around lately. Things are pretty bad right now, so I’ve kept myself busy with PSP so I didn’t think about everything too much.

My aunt’s brain tumor is back X2 plus they are cancerous this time. But, she’s medically well enough to be sent home by herself! She is no where near able to care for herself. Which brings us to why mom can’t care for her…

After almost 2 months of being sick, we finally badgered mom into going to the doctor. Right before Thanksgiving she was diagnosed with lung cancer. 2 spots in her left lung and 1 in her right. She’s in the hospital for the third time since then, this time because of fluid in her left lung. It looked really bad, but she’s a fighter. She’ll be having her second chemo treatment soon. I pray it works. I have never been so scared.

My blog looks great thanks to Marina! With everything that’s been going on, I forgot all about changing the Halloween look. Luckily, Marina has quite a few amazing WP themes, so I’m set until February. That’s gives me more time to devote to my graphics site. I’ve got so many ideas, it’s hard to pick a starting point!

My Red Sox won!!

Ok, I’m a few days late, but I haven’t felt much like blogging, or anything else, lately. The day before my birthday I started getting dizzy spells. I figured they’d go away and besides, I was going to the doctor’s in 8 days…I could wait. Then the guys we hired to do our driveway decided 4 days before my appointment was a good time to start. Now my appointment is Nov. 9 and I still can’t get out of the house a week later! Everyone is insisting it’s my diabetes, but I know better. I broke down and took sinus headache medicine and something to dry me up and, ta-da, I haven’t been dizzy since! I still don’t feel great but at least the room isn’t spinning!

I opened my new graphics site yesterday! It’s called Little Dragonfly Graphics. I don’t have a lot up yet, but I will. You can find tubes and sigtags there now and soon I hope to add WP themes, outlines, IM stationaries and much more! Please take a peek and leave me a note on my shoutbox.

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday! I used to hate telling my age, but I don’t anymore. I’m proud to be 33! When I was diagnosed with Muscular Dystrophy at 3, I was only given a year to live. Sure, I’ve had tough times (don’t we all?), but it’s 30 years since my diagnosis and I plan on proving the doctors wrong for many more years!

The last month has been so hectic. With my family’s health issues, some personal issues and trying to get my other site up and running, I haven’t had time to read more then a few pages now and then. Plus, the book I was reading just wasn’t holding my interest. The best cure for that is a book or two by your favorite author(s). So today I bought “The Bone Garden” by Tess Gerritsen and “You’ve Been Warned” by James Patterson. So pardon me while I go to my own little world!

I was complaining about waiting on my aunt’s doctor. We’re still waiting, but part of the mystery is solved. She has a mass in her stomach. Now we wait to see if it’s cancer again and what can be done either way.